Keyworth United 0 West Bridgford Tigers 7

Are you ready to be Heartbroken?

This won’t take long; there’s only so many ways you can spell diabolical! - and that’s flattering Keyworth!

Yes, we were really that bad! After my week long optimism following our dazzling performance at Radcliffe, the Tigers quickly cut me down to size with an outstanding display, completely outclassing a limp and lifeless Keyworth, to make it another ”lost” weekend for the Greens and leave our cup dreams in tatters. Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day! A cock up on the pitch allocation, followed by a stray exocet in the pre-match knockabout, which sent my nose into Cyrano de Bergerac mode and the lenses of my only pair of glasses flying to opposite ends of the playing fields - I didn’t need to be Columbo to work it out…it was clear that the Gods weren’t on our side!

Sure enough, it didn’t take long for Bridgford to take control, as Keyworth instantly employed their famous party trick, exclusively reserved for the Tigers - their disappearing act! We knew they were out there somewhere - after all we could hear them breathing! - yet they were nowhere to be seen as Bridgford silkily danced around the invisible Green statues and set up residence in the Keyworth half. Remember that bizarre Scotland game against Estonia where the Eastern Europeans failed to turn up but Scotland had to play anyway? Well this was very similar, only Bridgford probably encountered less resistance than the boys from Hampden! So it came as no surprise when the skilful Tigers took the after seven minutes. A corner from the left wasn’t cleared and, from a yard out, a Bridgford forward had time to turn and prod the ball over the line unchallenged - a very sloppy goal to concede. Despite dominating, Bridgford were thwarted by an inspirational performance from Sam in the home goal and had to wait until two minutes from the break before grabbing the second goal that that they so desperately craved. Some fine build up play being rewarded with a firm strike past Sam from around twelve yards.

Even two to the good, Bridgford were still worried - especially with the wind and slope against them in the second period. Well that’s the message I gave the boys in the half time lecture theatre anyway! Not that it made much difference! Although, in fairness, Keyworth did start the second half brighter and came close on a couple of occasions without really troubling the keeper. Then came the defining moment. Moving forward just inside his own half, Sam Clements was hauled to the ground inches from the referee. With even the Bridgford fans screaming foul, the Keyworth boys forgot the old “play to the whistle” rule and stopped in anticipation of a free kick which never arrived. Tigers by name and by nature, Bridgford immediately sprang into action and, hunting in packs, outnumbered Green defenders and went for the kill, working the ball swiftly into the box from where it was calmly stroked home for a controversial third.

This knocked what little stuffing was left in the Keyworth team right out of them and the now fired up Tigers proceeded to go on the rampage. Playing some wonderful football, Bridgford were putting the home side under extreme pressure, forcing mistakes and feeding off the increasingly easy pieces that came their way. Confidence booming, they were rushing through the Keyworth defences like a forest fire and with the same devastating effect. With all of his team mates now on the deserters list, poor old Sam in goal was left looking in vain for a brand new friend to help him, as wave after wave of Bridgford attacks crashed down on him from a sea of red and black. Despite Sam’s stubborn resistance, four more goals followed, three of which - two superb flowing moves, clinically finished and another exquisite strike - were straight out of the top drawer. If we were animals we’d have been put out of our misery well before the final whistle eventually did it for us!

As the ref blew for full time, the sigh of relief that went around the village was felt as forcibly as the earthquake that followed two days later - I wonder if BGS recorded that one too?

So, a humiliation of the highest order for the Greens, who failed to turn up on the day and were beaten by a team that was superior in every department. Take nothing away from Bridgford, they were magnificent! Messers Dudley, Battlemuch and Playle have every right to feel very proud. The performance and conduct of their team, management and spectators alike was exemplary. Bridgford are perfect ambassadors for our division and we wish them every success in their quest for Trophy glory - good luck lads!

As for us, well this ghastly performance is best forgotten I think - let’s just call it an off day. 

I’m no sentimental fool and generally don’t look back, so we’ll to look to the future instead - there’s always next week! After a display like this, it’d be so easy to dwell on all the negatives but I’d prefer to end on a positive note - actually it could have been so much worse…I could have been wearing my glasses!